Food Labeling – Meaningless Terminology
May 10th, 2016
What they want you to think: Buying this food, instead of that food, proves I am God’s gift to Mother Earth. After all, I drive a Prius and recycle, too.
What it really means: Greenwashing is profitable.
What they want you to think: This food will feel like clouds in my stomach, and if I eat it, I will finally be a Skinnier, Better Person.
What it really means: Maybe this food has fewer calories, or less fat, or is a prettier color than that other food. Or not, who knows?
- Low fat/sugar:
What they want you to think: How virtuous am I, buying this low fat/sugar version of these creamsicles? I shall live to be 105 and go straight to heaven.
What it really means: Low fat/low sugar compared to something else. Like, compared to a pile of fat and sugar, for instance.
What they want you to think: I’m so trendy, supporting my neighborhood farmer and reducing my carbon footprint. Go me.
What it really means: Well, it’s not from Alpha Centauri, so local it is. But even then, Alpha Centauri is our space-neighbor, and as long as we’re thinking about it, it’s just a hop-skip over to Dwingeloo 1.
What they want you to think: Torturing animals sure is a drag. I’d rather not support that practice. I’ll just buy this humanely produced food item and sleep like a baby.
What it really means: Shrug, mumble.
What they want you to think: This food I’m buying is pure, untouched by the filthy hand of modern industry. It’s good for the earth, good for the body, and good for the soul. God, I feel so good about my choices! I may even skip yoga.
What it really means: Some or all of this product may be plant or animal based, but there’s no telling how much or in what way.
What they want you to think: Green pastures, animals running free. It’s the ciiiiiiircle of life, and it moves us aaaaaaalllll…
What it really means: We showed that chicken some grass that one time.
- Kid Approved/Parent Tested:
What they want you to think: My six year-old will not fling this in my face in a fit of rage, and I can avoid writing that guilty/defensive blog post later.
What it really means: Some kids liked this, and their parents were like, okay, whatever.
This post was originally published 7/6/12.